The Oaks (Mokena, Illinois)

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  Sir Melvin van Horne MBE (guest)

  Nice homes with scenic views, yes - but unbeknownst to its residents, this new development is home to a dreadful abomination of nature! A fortnight ago, I was traipsing through this settlement with my protege Llewellyn Sinclair (known also by his moniker "Topsy") in order to investigate rumours of Civil War Memorabilia Counterfeiting Ring. The ring was alleged by my sources to be operating out of this vicinity, and Topsy and I were determined to ferrett out these yeggs under the pretence of purchasing a Deuce-5. Whilst clandestinely scouring the boulevards for the residence of Tombstone Tommy (main counterfeiter and our main adversary), we were happened upon by a hulking, repugnant monster, the likes of which we thought had been extinct for millennia!!! My field of vision was instantly locked with that of the leviathan snapping tortoise; a half devoured ascot and a slime drenched shoelace (undoubedtly bits of its last meal) were hanging raggedly from its jowls, and dried blood caked its snout. I immediately indicated for Topsy to seek cover, which he promptly did inside of a drainage culvert. Sensing my own impending doom at the hands of this creature, I brandished my Prussian calvary sabre and pierced the cragged shell of the prehistoric mutation. My deft blow caused the beast to reel, bellow a roar of defeat, and retreat to the nearby forest, much to the joy of myself and my stalwart companion! Our crys of victory were quickly cut short when I went to return my sabre to its scabbard, for Topsy quickly mentioned that the vanquished foe had fled with my sacred blade lodged deep within it's shell!! Dear reader, that I recover my precious sabre is a most pressing matter!!! It was presented to me during the Great War by the Duke of Puddingshire after a particularly fierce engagement in Belgium. My sabre is easily recognized by the patina upon its blade and the engraving "Passchendaele 1917" upon the hilt. If any of ye Mokenaans happen upon the skeletal remains of a snapping tortoise of mythical proportions, or my aforementioned sabre, (it should be near the remains) call on me post-haste by Alphorn. I have positioned several of these throughout town, therefore it should be not difficult to reach me!! -Sir Melvin van Horne MBE-

  17 years ago | reply | hide comment
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  Sir Melvin van Horne MBE (guest)

  Postcript! I have attached an image of the monster that Topsy captured on his "camera-phone".

  17 years ago | reply | hide comment